February, 2000 - Vol. XXIX No. 1
Jubilee: Hope in New Beginnings

"Forgiveness: Resources and Books for Children"
by Stephanie Wight

    I was asked (or more likely volunteered) to prepare a list of books for this issue of the Vineyard, on the theme of "Forgiveness" for children. A relatively easy task, or so I thought. All that needed to be done was to visit the subject section of Books in Print, talk to my favorite bookstore people (Annie Blooms’ Books in Multnomah Village) and peruse my vast personal collection of children’s books and glean nuggets of wisdom. The difficult task would be to prune the list to a manageable size, worthy of the space allowed.

    Steps one, two, and three were "simpy," yet something didn’t feel right. I had the list of sweet little books that presented Charlie Chipmunk forgiving a contrite Sammy Squirrel... what was stopping me from completing this assignment? (It was overdue!)

    For days I have been chewing on the discomfort of an "Overdue" assignment...what was this all about? Who is the audience for this article? Adults. Who will use this material? Adults. Who needs to learn about forgiveness? Children? NO. Children already know all there is to know about forgiveness.

    There it is! Children already know about forgiveness. They forgive easily, naturally and completely. Sometimes when adults witness an, "I’m sorry," "That’s OK," exchange between children, the adults are so uncomfortable with the ease in asking for, and the ease in giving, forgiveness between the children, that the adults intervene and ask the children to do it over again. For example, "Johnny, I don’t think your apology was really sincere, say it over and this time really mean it!" What must these children think of adults? Johnny really did mean it, Jenny forgave him. Simple as that.

    One of the other things that seems to upset adults, is children seem comfortable with both forgiving and remembering. Adults seem to believe that to forgive means you must also forget. My children have taught me (an embarrassingly large number of times) that I have been forgiven for my parental blunderings, and even my human sins, but the memory of the transgression has not been erased. The memories are not retained like piece of sand in the eye, constantly irritating, nor are they there like a piece of sand in an oyster waiting to be turned into a pearl. The memory is just there, part of life, part of what makes you, you and the child who they are and who they will become. The memories are there and you are still forgiven.

    Children have to be taught to resent, to hold a grudge or to develop a chronically hardened heart. Does this mean adults have nothing to teach children about forgiveness? Of course not. Adults are there to support, encourage and most importantly, to model behavior. Child Development experts tell us that infants are born with instinctive reflexes that are "unlearned" as they develop. These reflexes are necessary for the tiny human being to survive, and as they grow, these reflexes are no longer necessary and they fade away, until they no longer exist. Forgiveness can be described as an inborn spiritual response that we are all born with, but it must be nurtured and supported to enable it to successfully make that bridge from open-hearted child to open-hearted adult.

    For the adult, we must have the open-heartedness of the child and the wisdom and faith to bear the pain that living with trust can bring. This is what an adult can model. The adult can teach the child necessary living skills. The adult can teach how to negotiate, compromise and resolve conflict. Skills that if artfully and faithfully taught will help children, as they become adults, to have the opportunities to ask for and to receive forgiveness. But that’s another list....

Some books for adults about forgiving:

Art of Forgiving: When you Need to forgive and Don't Know How. Lewis Smedes, 1996

Choosing Forgiveness. John and Paula Sanford and Lee Bowman, 1996

Dimensions of Forgiveness: Psychological Research & Theological Perspectives. (Laws of Life Symposia Series V.1) Everett Worthington editor, 1999

Don’t Forgive Too Soon: Extending the Two Hands that Heal. Dennis Linn et. al., 1997

Forgiven and Forgiving. Louis William Countryman, 1997

Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart. Robin Casarjian

How Good Do We Have to Be? A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness. Harold Kushner, 1997

No Future Without Forgiveness. Desmond Tutu, 1999

Other Resources:

Forgiveness and Healing: Conversations with Teens. Published by Hi-Time Pflaum, Dayton, OH. A creative curriculum resource for high school students. Roman Catholic perspective, but mostly applicable to Episcopal context. Designed for two or three 45-minute classes, or on retreat. Excellent content.

Holy Ground. Published by Sojourners. A four-session study guide on voluntary simplicity, the spirituality of creation, sabbath rest, and justice. Several copies available in the diocesan resource center.

Jubilee 2000/USA. Cancel the Debt, Now! (video) Contact this national organization for several resources. Jubilee 2000/USA, 222 East Capitol St., NE, Washington, D.C. 20003; 202-783-3566. www.j2000usa.org Our diocesan resource center also has this video and study guide, which explains the origins of the huge unpayable debts of Third World countries, and the impact on people and environment.

2000 Candles for Jesus: Activities and Prayers for Children. Alison Berger, TwentyThird Publications, 1999. $2 each. Lots of prayers, pencil puzzles, projects. Somewhat linked to Roman Catholic Jubilee 2000.

The Living Land. Video featuring Alice Waters (chef), Wes Jackson (Land Institute), John Jeavons (developer of small-scale sustainable food production techniques), and Mas Masumoto (organic farmer). Jubilee theme of letting the land rest.

Water: Sacred and Profaned. Video featuring poets and naturalists who remind us of the mystical and wonderful aspects of the most crucially vital element on our planet.

Millennium celebration ideas: Trinity Cathedral is planning a youth group project on debt forgiveness. To help younger children understand our global interconnections, a millennium party is planned, with food and music from many lands, a Global Eucharist with procession of flags from many nations, the Lord’s Prayer in as many languages as are represented (17+ languages in the parish), and prayers on behalf of the church and the people in all nations of the world.

Stephanie Wight is Diocesan Coordinator of the Department of Christian Education and a parishioner of St. John the Baptist, Portland.
Contact her at resource@diocese-oregon.org

© 2001, Diocese of Oregon
updated 05/03/2003 16:11
contact: kylew@diocese-oregon.org