July, 1999 - Vol. XXVIII No. 1
Rites of Passage: Recognition of Growth and Change
"Becoming of Age"
by Sharon Mater
I remember back when my children where very young. They always wanted to be carried up the stairs. As they grew older, and heavier, this game rapidly began to lose its appeal for me, but not for them. Saying "No more" just didn't work. Please, only one more time," was the refrain I'd hear every time we were at the bottom of the stairs. Instead of being the disciplinarian -"That's enough, no more," I stumbled across the idea of setting a target. "OK, I'll continue to carry you up the stairs until your birthday," which was a few weeks away. "After that, since you will be older (and more mature) you will walk up the stairs by yourself."
This worked like a charm. Though it was by no means what we-usually think of as a rite of passage, that is in fact what it was. It could be called a "coming of age" ceremony. Rather than focusing on taking away a privilege and adding a new demand, we focused on the very important transition that was happening, being a year older, with the rights and responsibilities that allowed.
I think the dramatic and easy success we experienced was one of the reasons I responded so positively and so strongly when I heard Mary Pipher suggest that for each birthday a child should be given a new right and a new responsibility.
Birthdays are built-in rites of passage. They happen automatically, without our having to do anything. Culturally they have great significance. Children attach great meaning to each one. They eagerly anticipate being another year older and the status that gives them in being closer to adulthood.
Why not take advantage of this to give our children a more significant birthday gift-a new right and responsibility to look forward to and to live up to-a coming of age experience, or maybe we should call it a "becoming of age" experience.
Sharon Mater, who lives in Portland, does a variety of activities from newsletter publication to software testing. She lives with her husband, James and their two daughter, Alexa, 15 and Elana, 13.
Reprinted with permission from Wings volume 1 number 1. ©1997 Full Esteem Ahead. To subscribe write to "Wings", 6663 SW Beaverton Hillsdale Hwy-#214, Portland, OR 97225. Cost: $12 per year
© 2001, Diocese of Oregon
updated 05/03/2003 16:13
contact: kylew@diocese-oregon.org